Things today went fairly well, even though most of the day was spent shopping. I can't complain much though I ended up getting a few items and clothes out of the deal. Either way I actually enjoyed going shopping for once, normally I'm not too fond of going shopping. Either way it was fun, as I almost ended up buying a Bahamut figure from Advent Children. The $35 price tag though was a bit too expensive in my opinion though. If I do end up getting that one I'll probably just order it online, cheaper that way.

I still need to buy three things that I found that my boyfriend will probably like. lol :I would say, but knowing him he'll probably end up reading this eventually. Anyway I've already got something I'm thinking about giving him, along with two other things I plan on giving him. My friend Kyle says that I'm going to end up giving the man a heartattack because of some of the things I'm getting.

Aside from the shopping and my plottting/planning things in the online realm have been somewhat interesting. Ended up getting a bit of Role Playing done, and talked to a few friends one mine. One friend though ended up in a really bad mood because of what's going on with him and his girlfriend. I won't go into that though, because of it not being my place. I also found out that one of my friends is getting married, I'm very happy for him as the girl he marrying is very sweet and cares about him a lot.

Well things today have been a bit interesting, I ended up getting my usual $100 for the month for having to deal with my siblings while my mom works. I also ended up getting the money from a card I sold today, so overall I was in a good mood. I plan on putting the money towards the trip to go see Wheelo in June/July.

I'm not sure what the deal is, but lately it seems like I've had more on my mind than usual. Maybe it's because for once I'd like to have better convos with others instead of half hearted ones that tend to die only after a few sentences. Overall I've noticed that I have been doing a better job of having a good conversation. There are some people that I talk to though that I can't seem to strike up a convo with, I wonder what I'm doing wrong with them if anything that is. I can say this I've become more confident when I talk to friends.

I wish things were that simple though when it came to being more confident about myself overall. Even though there are points where I do feel confident, I just can't seem to maintain it. Fear tends to hold me back in that respect, but I don't expect it always be that way. I want to be confident about who I am, in both personality and how I look. However I doubt that it will be an easy task. I have issues when it comes to how I look, as I don't think that I'm that pretty. I'm not one of those girls who could be considered a toothpick, compaired to them I'm probably more along the lines of a boulder. *sighs* I know that looks change, but it doesn't change how I feel now.

Well after being scared out of my wits about confronting my bf, I ended up feeling rather relieved that I did talk to him. Overall I feel a lot better about things, because I talked to him. I suppose though it's only natrual to wonder about things when it comes to a person's significant other everynow and then.

Moving on aside from the bf issue, things have been alright for the most part. I still feel like strangling my dad though because he was stupid and had their taxes filed for $140 instead of doing them online for free and still get the same amount back.Oh well, it's not coming out my mom's half so I'm not going to worry about it. Anyway things with them are back to normal it seems, as they ended up getting into a fight yesterday morning. *sighs* I honestly don't know why she still puts up with him at times.

It's been awhile since I've posted here, I guess part of it was from paranoia and the other just from not really having much to talk about. This one is actually not one of my more fun posts. To get to the point the past few days I've been having a few doubts and wondering if I can fully trust my bf. I think part of it is because of where he's now living. *sighs* I hate how paranoid I've been, but I'm thinking that it will probably pass.

One talk I had with a friend last night helped to put my mind at ease quite a bit last night, as it just basicly ended up confirming what I already knew. To be honest what the friend said actually made me feel like an idiot for having doubts about my bf. Plus a few things my bf said last night helped. I love the man, and honestly I don't want to lose him. Things just haven't been easy in this relationship, but then again I never expected them to be easy.

Alright well the lyrics to this song are basicly how I've been feeling today, enjoy.

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life